March 10, 2011

My life has flipped a complete 180. I personally feel it's for the better for me. I guess it is a little selfish of me to say, but I quit caring about other people before myself long ago. It is my choice to live like this now. believing in self-actualization. Maybe because of this I have changed a lot since I was younger. I’m basically just sick of taking the skunk.
It’s interesting to see how my environment is weeding out the people that were toxic to my air. Some- I never thought would happen others I’ve pushed away personally. I can’t say that I am entirely happy but I can’t keep living in an unreal existence. Admit your faults and admit to your wrong. As for others? Well, you can’t change their false realities and playful demons. My past has a bitter-sweet taste to it but as I’m sitting here on the couch, with ANOTHER potential snowstorm on the run, I’m smiling because Ive found my peace. I have the motivation and am no longer tied down by someone else’s demon. I’ve already got my own that I need to confront and deal with. I can’t be focusing on another person’s right now. The only person I can guarantee that will be in my future is myself, and I like that more than all the marshmellow latte’s in the world!

I do have one thought to a certain someone in my past.
I truly am sorry for the way things ended between us. I realize now, and I know it’s too late, just how much my own personal satisfaction and want drived me to –I don’t know… think I’m better than you? I should have been there trying to help you instead of letting you angers push me away. I knew something was wrong and I think I just chose to ignore it. I ran away from you like I always do in matters of the heart. I cant take back or justify anything I’ve done but I do wish things could be different. I can’t even imagine how much you are hurting right now. And I know that I am the last person on earth you want to talk to right now so I will say this here: You’re father was a great man~ a little odd at times :) but he was a man with a great smile. This reality you have to deal with is probably crushing you but you have a lot to look up too and further better yourself now as a man. I really am so sorry. Life sometimes just throws us such cruel, dark turns, but the sun will still come around again. Things won't ever be the same but hopefully you can look towards the better days.